Since I was a teenager, I loved to read about love. Not just the Twilight series or the Hunger Games where two young people had to overcome tremendous obstacles and personal struggles to win the hearts of the ones that they loved (don’t get me wrong, these were great reads!) BUT the TRUE and REAL kind of love stories! The stories that talked about courting. The stories that talked about saving yourself for marriage and how significant, wonderful and holy it is. The love stories that talked about sex and marriage. The stories that talked about what being a holy couple living for God entailed.
These books that were filled with knowledge, truth and scripture were so encouraging. They had so much depth and explanation to “the two becoming one”. These books totally illustrated what the love between man and wife are purposed to produce! My spirit GOT it and understood it! At such a young age I desired this type of love and knew that it was where God was calling me to be. I prepared myself through Christ for this love and role my entire adolescent life.
Soon, I met Terry at the age of 17. I fell so completely and wholeheartedly in love with him. We wanted the same things in life. We talked about our future together, starting a family and our dreams. Once we were engaged, we knew that the opportunity to potentially become parents was quickly approaching. We were so ready.... and three years later, we continue to wait fervently.
Over the last couple of weeks, my heart and mind have been in a place I haven’t fully been to yet. “Why isn’t our love enough?”
God created husband and wife with purpose and each of us in His image. He made male and female different. One not making sense without the other, but when joined, miraculous! He created us to represent and imitate the LOVE between the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
So if this was God’s Will, and if this was His plan for us, why are me and Terry so broken? Why isn’t our love enough?
Where was THIS part in the books that I had read so intently? Now knowing how many of us struggle, why wasn’t this even mentioned just a tad?
My mind can’t wrap around this concept. It has been a constant thought of “Where did we go wrong?! What haven’t we done right?! Did we not meet the criteria?”
So this is where I am guys. “Where the rubber meets the road.”
I know that faith isn’t about seeing and tangibility. Faith isn’t even about feeling. Because if it were, I would not even be able to tell you which way was up right now. Faith is about believing in the promises of Christ when all odds are against the very thing He has already spoken. Faith is fighting to stand through the shaken and weariness, but with trembling, locked knees you hold your ground.
So why isn’t our love enough? I don’t know. My heart doesn’t understand it at all. Even my spirituality doesn’t fully comprehend it. But what I do understand deeply is that our Father’s Love is enough, and that’s more than enough to compensate.
I may not always feel complete and whole within myself or within my marriage, but I trust in He Who covers all of the broken parts and seeps through all of the empty cracks. THAT is where the miraculous happens. Through the surrender and dependence on our Bridegroom.
Our Love isn’t enough, but HE is MORE than sufficient.